Dave is 28. Despite professing to love Nintendo like something that he loves like his own mother, until five days ago Dave was an Animal Crossing virgin. But this is no longer the case. Dave, AKA Gregg, has now been in the picturesque town of 'The Hood' for five days, and here we have his diaries of days three, four and five. (For diary entry one, click here).
Today was business day, and I had all day to take care of it.
I’m guessing Animal Crossing
players love the weekend. It gives them time to pick fruit or whatever it is that gets their rocks off.
My first task for the day was to change Gregg’s clothes. This ‘MVP’ t-shirt made him look like a bell-end, so I visited the the shirt store and picked up a smarter top.
Despite his embarrassing red shoes and cheap shorts the shirt gave Gregg a more formal look. He now looked like a man of authority, and one that would run this town like a true professional and not like one of the carefree talking animal residents.
Ready to face my responsibility, I visited Nook to talk about my down-payment for my new home. Thankfully he didn’t seem too upset when I told him that I was brassic and suggested that I raised the money unless I wanted to sleep in a tent all my life.
It had only taken three days of play but I finally had my first task.
So I started as most do and began to pick apples and sell them to the shop owner. In no time I had enough to buy myself a fishing pole and shovel, so I spent most of the day on the river fishing and digging for fossils.
Fishing was pretty straightforward. I found it to be easy and lucrative.
Fossil hunting, however, raised all sorts of moral issues for me. Instead of just selling them to the shop like other Items, I have to get them assessed by Blathers at the museum.
Blathers’ Museum wasn’t any old museum, though. It was the most depressing museum in the world. It was completely empty. No wonder Blathers seems massively depressed. He runs the shittest museum I’ve ever seen. Rooms and rooms filled with nothing but empty tanks, shelves and podiums. More importantly though, there were no visitors.
This made things really hard for me when I asked Blathers to assess my fossils only for him to say “Would you like to donate this to the museum?”
“No Blathers” I thought, “I’m trying to buy a fucking house.”
So after he told me what it was, I flipped him the bird and went straight to the general store to sell the thing. Poor Blathers. I bet he watched Night At The Museum
and instead of thinking ‘Holy Shit, Owen Wilson is a talking cowboy figurine’ he simply cried a tear at the thought of a museum existing that actually had some stuff in it.
The blame couldn’t completely be piled on Gregg. I mean, he wasn’t the only one living there and he’d only moved in a couple of days ago. How long had Blathers watched his fellow neighbours skip past his museum on the way to the shop, walk in with a priceless artefact and stroll out with a ton of money and a smile?
Saying that, why hasn’t Blathers bought his own fucking shovel so he can find stuff to make his museum less shit? Lazy.
Anyway I raised the funds and this time tomorrow I’ll have a place that I can call home. One that doesn’t require a fly sheet.
The only other thing to report today is that when I was looking through my inventory I came across a letter that I must have completely forgotten that I received from an anonymous person/pig or whatever.
It simply confirmed my fears. I’m not the mayor. The real one couldn’t be arsed to do the job. Something’s not right. I’m starting to panic. Will these people burn me at the stake when they find out?
Only time will tell.
Oh and I just turned the game off and forgot to save.
I awoke today with a nice surprise. No pissy Resetti to deal with me this time. Only Isabelle gently reminding me that I need to save before exiting, something that is still baffling me.
I like Isabelle, Gregg’s assistant. She’s clearly got the hots for him. Follows him about, always being nice with a cheeky smile on her face. Little does she know that Gregg clearly has the hots for Reese from the recycle shop.
Gregg’s not the sort of person that would want a workplace relationship anyway so poor old Isabelle hasn’t got a chance.
Gregg awoke not in his tent, but in his new house. I’m not sure how he got any sleep to be honest, with a house being built around him. He walked out to find a gift from his mum. It’s a desk. Yet another shit present for Gregg to deal with.
His mum probably got him a bench for Christmas, or a shelf for his Birthday. Stick to vouchers Mum.
I have to feel a little sad for Gregg. He’s been living in a tent for three days and now that he has a house, it’s probably the most underwhelming bachelor pad of all time.
Not only is it tiny, it hasn’t got a kitchen, bath or toilet. So he’s hungry, stinks and shits in the woods.
Still, he set up his desk and sat down to relax before a day of work.
Look at those fucking eyes. I decided that my first task for the day is to get something to hide those dirty soul windows.
I ran straight to the shop to see what was on offer. There wasn’t much but at the back was a pair of sunglasses that looked a little feminine. They were cheap but I decided that I’d pay anything not to see those weird eyes any more. So I purchased them.